2020-2021 School Year--Week 5: Oscar

9/30/2020

Prompt:
Two lovers get stuck at the at the top of a malfunctioning rollercoaster, and they witness something extraordinary. What could go wrong?

Word Count: 160-260 words

Expectations:
-Remember that you are writing for the King's Academy community. Please be respectful of that community.
-Respect the word count
-Your work should have a title--this is not part of your word count.
-Include your full name and word count at the end of your submission.
-Have fun with this challenge.

Deadline:
22:00 Tuesday, October 6th

Photo Source:
Donvito, Tina. "13 Abandoned Amusement Parks That Will Give You The Creeps". 2020. Reader's Digest. https://www.rd.com/list/creepy-abandoned-amusement-parks/

4 Comments

Tia Hammad

10/2/2020 08:06:22 am

Suspended

For a moment, she forgot her fear. They were together, on top of what was probably the highest point within a two mile radius.
The fierce wind slicing across her face was sickening. The sheer speed of the unsteady cart that held them forced her stomach to clench. Her heart seemed to have abandoned her all together. Her fingers ached from clinging onto the side. She was vaguely aware of Jake yelling something in her ear.
Then, for a brief moment, everything froze. They hung suspended in space and time, at the very top of the ride. She could no longer hear the persistent creaking over the roaring wind. Straight ahead, was endless blue sky, only tainted by blotches of white. All the way below them was an incoherent landscape of browns and greens. The countless yells from the ground were no more than tiny needle pricks at the back of her mind.
Jake’s hand clenched on her arm, shattering the moment of contentment. She did not dare look at him. For a moment she understood why he wanted to take her here, but his words finally reached her, and they were not what she wanted to hear. “Hold on!”
“What is,..” she began, but her words were snatched away by the wind. The seat beneath her vibrated. The cart creaked one last time as gravity took its hold.

Name: Tia Hammad
Word count: 229

Tala Aldaher

10/5/2020 10:25:55 pm

The Fallen Angel
The bright white light burned my eye sockets, I layed in the snow in my white lace dress. I was the snow. I got up, my train fell behind me. That was when I saw him.. His silhouette, Azrael. He turned around, his face was blurry, all but his bright purple eyes glimmering in the snow. A voice echoed in the background, “CLEAR!”
***
“I do,” Azrael's voice snapped me back to reality. His purple eyes bright in the light, along with everyone else. Their looks send shivers down my spine, they were all waiting for me. “I-I-,” I couldn't tell the difference between left and right. My head spun in a hundred different directions, and my vision blurred. Before I knew it I was out of the venue driving on the highway with hot tears streaming down my face. One thought echoed in my head: “Amara” over and over in Azrael's voice. I steered my wheel, and “skreeeetchhhhhhh!” Everything blurred, sirens, horrified screams filled my ear drums then nothing…
***
I am back. The man, he's next to me, he's dying. I can't move. I can't do anything. This is my fault. “Amara?” a whisper. “NO!” my world shattered. “Azrael,” I gasped. “Hold on please! Please!” I screamed with tears rising in my throat and down my face. I leaned back, closed my eyes and said the only words I can think of “I do..” but it was too late...They laid next to each other, eyes closed knowing one thing: Death did them apart.
word count: 257

Yasmine Najjar

10/6/2020 11:19:07 am

The Last Time

He was a mess. He knew that. The tall man touched the bruised skin on his wrist, running his fingertips over it even if it stung. He knew it was wrong. Parker had a wife, goddammit. A wife and a little girl, his sweet little girl, she was five now.
He looked back behind him on the bed, sleeping there, another man. While Parker was tall, the man sleeping on the crappy mattress was short, with black hair and piercing blue eyes that made grown men melt. What was wrong with him? This. Everything about this.
The mattress groaned under his weight, the springs struggling to keep him up, let alone another human being.
"Good morning.." The voice was so soft and sweet, gently urging him back to rest his head on the pillow. "No! We can't do this- this is the last time!" He stood up, turning his back to Blaine. That was the shorter man's name. Blaine. Slipped off the tongue: Blaine.
"Like the night before was the last time? Or the night before that?" Blaine had a point, a smile appearing in his bleary eyes. Parker, however, looked furious. Like he could hit Blaine. Not that he would ever.
He felt disgusting. His pride stripped from him. "Don't contact me unless there's an emergency... I left some money in the bedside drawer for the motel and cab fees." Just like that, he was off the rollercoaster. The thrill far from off his mind, where his wife and daughter should've been.
Blaine was right. Blaine was always right.

Name: Yasmine Najjar
Word count: 260 (without title)

Oscar D.

10/7/2020 02:04:59 am

Thank you for submitting these awesome pieces, I enjoyed reading all of them. It was a really tough choice, all with compelling stories! This week's winner is Tia Hammad's piece "Suspended." I liked the precision of the language, "the fierce wind slicing across her face" and the return to reality with Jack clenching her arm.

Tala, the immediate immersion into the setting of the scene of the whiteness of the snow, and then the darkness of death was very neat. The spaces of time in between also added a nice effect. The bright purple eyes were very unsettling(of course, in a good way) and burned the image in my head–cool use of imagery. Keep it up.

Yasmine, I liked the quick contrast between the softness of the voice and the quick sharpness of the tone of Parker, and then the referral back to Blaine at the end worked really well. The surprises and the tone sounded really authentic, and was very nice to read. Thank you.

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